It was not long.

If you apply for a job, you usually wait nth days to know whether you got it or not. If you apply for a visa, you have to wait for seven to fourteen days to know whether you’re approved or not. If you get a hit on your NBI, you have to wait for seven days to get your clearance. Two days is nothing compared to the many times I waited for something I needed.

It was a recurring thing, you see. Sometimes, it’s not just two.

One, two, talk, three, four, five, talk.

It was a cycle. For him, that one day of talking is enough to compensate the days of not talking at all. I tried to understand so many times, I already lost count. But the more I understand, the more I think to myself that I deserve more than just this…

So yeah, two days was not long for me to wait for him to respond to my messages… but it was long enough to know how much I was valued, to know how important I was to him, to know how long I should hold on to him… to us. 

It’s been a year. Yes, it has been like that for a year, too. I love him very much, but those days proved that my love was not enough for the both of us. That no matter how much I try, if I’m the only person trying, it wouldn’t really work. That no matter how much I fight for us, it wouldn’t make sense if I fight alone.

Maybe, just maybe, those two days taught me that I needed to focus on myself first, love myself first, make myself happy first. 

Me first.

And that, my friends, was the first time I wanted to set myself free.


One thought on “First.

  1. As far as first posts go, this was quite the trip. You can never take too long to find your own freedom. And even though it still obviously hurts, I’m happy you took the first few steps in the right direction. 🙂


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